Built on sand

So there is this house...

And it's beautiful...

More beautiful than any house ever built...

Luxurious...

Elegant...

Modern...

A work of functional art.

This house was built by 2 builders...

That shared a common goal...

A combined interest...

Both were talented...

Skilled builders...

Creative...

Driven...

Focused...

And ambitious.

Together they possessed the talent necessary...

To make this house a home, that one day could be viewed...

As a national treasure...

An iconic structure.

The house was perfect...

Balanced...

Sturdy.

The only problem was...

The house...

This beautiful work of art...

As sturdy and balanced as it was...

Didn't have the proper...

Foundation...

it was...

Built on Sand

It's not funny

I...

am finding so much satisfaction in challenge.

Literally...

The more challenging something is to me...

The more fulfilment I receive.

It's this normal?

Am I a gluten for punishment?

AND believe me...

This applies to everything...

Everything!

From love and relationship...

To my own personal business ventures...

To EVERYTHING!

Is it the challenge?

Or is it the journey?

Either way...

I find happiness in my self induced...

Pain!

It's amusing...

But...

It's not funny!

why so hard

" WHY SO HARD "

You ever wonder why love is hard?

Mostly I guess because we make it that way...

We are our own worse enemies at times...

Waring with ourselves as if there is this great battle going on inside of us...

Are we destined to never be able to love, because of ourselves...

Or will we do better eventually?

Only God knows!!!!

I damn sure know I don't...

<(O_o)>

something stupid

So the other day I did something stupid.....

I reached out to the one person that I have loved the most in my entire life...

On a whim!

Out the blue!

Just because..... I missed her!

Greatly!!!!

I didn't think she would respond.

Didn't think she would care...

Just thought she would ignore me.... Like she always has!

But guess what!!!!

She responded, (days later) but responded none the less.

She was MY BEST FRIEND, and so much more

And I missed her!!!!!

And I don't hardly miss ANYONE

Too know ... It all started with something stupid!

The Poetry World

" the poetry world "

Any rational minded human being would most likely believe that when you think of an art form as pure and spiritually freeing as spoken word, there would be no drama....

But I guess the spirituality of the art form does not take away, or change the innate characteristics of people...

I think a big part of the problem is when you take art and start making it a competition. I'm not just speaking about poetry slams, but when people strive to be a better poet than another instead of trying to be the best artist they can possibly be. people don't realize the limit they place on themselves when they compete with others. When you compete with a person you at times emulate their take drive and style, which takes away from the natural talent you possess. which in turn keeps you from reaching the top level did would be able to reach simply by trying to be the best you can be for yourself...

Even worse than those that compete in poetry, are those that do poetry for money only. These people rob the art of it's innocense. I think doing poetry strictly for monetary gain is like making poetry stand on the corner and whore. What happened to when you used to write just for the necessity to release, for the desire of expression. Now, I am not knocking anyone that is making an honest living of their talent, but your priority in writing should be and always should be for expression not a quick dollar.

And then there is poetry beef! which is quite possibly the dumbest thing in the world that exist! One poet not liking another poet 4 absolutely no reason, or even if there is a reason it something juvenile. Now I know poets are emotional, but some of this is just ridiculous. We have to not be so darn sensitive. I try to keep myself as neutral as I possibly can be. Not taking sides just listening, and observing. When poetry cliques (like little mini poetry gangs,lmbo) are introduced into poetry beef you end up with groups of people not communicating with each other due to maybe 2 people having a problem with each other. Are he still in high school? I often times make reference to poetry beef being like the movies "the westside story" or "warriors". There's tons of singing and dancing and no real action.

The next Level

In dating a person, there is an unwritten rule of thumb when it comes to the "Next Level" of commitment.

Something that should be paid close attention too, in order too have a clear unspoken understanding of the level of commitment your partner is ready for...

This rule is: your mate will always treat you like the next level of commitment they are ready for.

So lets just say for sake of argument that the proper order of a relationship is dating, courting, relationship, engagement, then finally marriage. So if your dating a person they should treat you like your courting. And if your courting they should treat you like your in a relationship. The way they treat you is a subliminal showing of how they want to progress with you.

Now this works in reverse also. So, if your engaged to a person and they are only treating you like your engaged or they are only treating you like your in a relationship. Then they are showing you they aren't ready to move forward.

Being that action speaks louder then words, their actions will tell you what level of commitment they are prepared for.

So don't fool yourself into believing that when you hit that level they will show you that they are ready for it.

When a person desires something, subconsciously their mind and actions follow in suit. Without any coxing at all from you or anyone else.

So watch your mates actions, and more importantly your own actions to see if they reflect the "Next Level".

Heart Ain't Right

Heart ain't Right

My heart ain't right at this point in my life...

I can be honest and say that my heart walks with a slight limp because of how bad it's been abused...

But because it does walk with a limp, it can't run away from situations it probably should avoid...

these situations my heart finds itself in closely resemble domestic violence...

As if people deliberately lash out at my heart with intent to damage...

so one of my hearts eyes are swollen shut...

so it cant see around the BS and excuses people use as obstacles to get where it needs to be...

So it bumps into...

trips over...

Almost everything...

Damn!

My...

Heart ain't right

no grass is really green

Soooo, I'm going to put my past on blast right now....

In order to make a valid point...

But at this point I have nothing to hide...

I need to be accepted for who I once was and who I am now...

If you cant love me for both, then I am more sorry for you then I will ever be for me...

So plainly put...

I used to be a "DAWG"...

I was heartless, disrespectful, manipulative and a compulsive user...

I have always excelled in sports and pretty much anything I have ever placed my interest in...

This throughout life has always placed me in a position to have the attention of women...

So in ignorance I used that interest to my advantage...

over indulging in way more the my share of intimacy...

and it seemed the more of a "DAWG" I was the more women seemed to yearn to attempt to make me settle down.

and I never did back then...

women would go to great lengths to try to prove that I should be with them...

They would practically do anything I requested of them..

And I mean ANYTHING!

I grew up, I matured, i learned to deal with the root of the issue when it came to me and relationships...

which had more to do with myself then it had to do with relationships themselves...

So I took some time off...

I didn't date, talk, hang out with any females for a year and a half straight...

To get myself together, through prayer, self reflection, fasting and learning to forgive self and others...

Now...

I'm all into monogamy and building a future with a woman...

but the strangest thing has happened...

Now, that I have become this man...

The man most women "say" they desire...

The women I usually would have eating out of my hands in a sense...

Don't want to settle down...

It's a crazy spin of realities!!!

Now I do know in the sense of Karma, I must pay for my past sins...

so when does paying stop?

hmm.

So the question I have been asking myself is why is it that when you have a "DAWG" you hold on for dear life, and when you have a man that will cherish and honor you, you push him away and run for life?

Is it just a facade?

ladies is it just a lie that you tell yourselves in order to seem as though you are a deserving and good woman?

or have things gotten so bad in the dating game...

that women are so scarred due to "DAWGS" they have dealt with, they don't know how to recieve or dont want to receive a man into their lives?

Seeing both side of the spectrum here...

Makes me understand the emptiness of a "DAWGS" lifestyle...

and the disgrace of knowing that "nice guys do indeed finish last"...

I've seen both lawns up close and personal...

in reality, "NO GRASS IS GREEN"

Inspired

its amazing because today I found inspiration in my grandmother who is well older then me and then I found inspiration in a 3 year old...

my grandmother join my prayer conference this morning and left me blessed in ways I have never felt...

she encouraged me!

gave me praise and recognition that I didn't even know I desired

She inspired me...

then I was on the phone with a friend of mine who was dealing with a 3 year old...

my friend asked the child to sing a song for me...

with extreme innocence an actual devotion for the words she sang...

She inspired me...

But Yourself

But yourself

Wether you realize it or not...

HAPPINESS....

In it's rawest and most natural form...

Is a PERSONAL responsibility...

No one (Other then God of course), is responsible for your laugh, smiles and Bliss...

If your looking to find someone to SUPPLYyour life with joy...

Your sadly mistaken...

Delusional even If you think/believe/wish/desire your MATE to suddenly bring a sense of satisfaction and peace into your life.

The definition of MATE: a match, counter part, one of a pair.

In a relationship sense- your mate should be a match to you, a yin to your yang, an equal...

Meaning your level of happiness, should come in an abundance that matches the person your with...

To be happy WITH someone...

You have to happy WITH yourself FIRST!

YOU HAVE TO FIND COMFORT IN YOUR OWN SKIN.

Even in the most genuine and sincere desire to please someone and bring them HAPPINESS, we are all imperfect, every now and again your going to fail to meet a persons expectations.

Now let me clarify by saying you can find an abundance of joy along side the right person, but you need first to know where the root of it all lies.

SO FIND JOY...

GO CHASE SMILES...

LIVE A LIFE OF LAUGHTER...

ON YOUR OWN FIRST.

Because no one is capable,

Able,

responsible for your happiness,

But yourself!